>> This is one of the conversations that got me thinking about how impaired consent works in frames of mental health issues.<<
Yay! That's what I'm aiming for. It's really complicated territory and benefits from talking over in detail. I've done a lot with this; you can see another example in "Spectrum of Consent."
>> Just so you know, you were both really helpful here,<<
Thanks, that's good to hear.
>> and a large part of my own opinions--especially about apologizing and talking after a crisis where things get complicated--are formed from these chapters.<<
It's an important step.
If you intervene, if you cross someone's boundaries, then you have to accept that they might get angry, or hate you, or kick you out of their life. If you truly believe that you're saving their life, that might be a cost you're willing to pay. But far more often, people don't think about that part, they assume the person will be grateful and then if anger, hate, or estrangement ensue they become very upset about that. They don't understand how to repair the relationship, because they don't see the damage -- and it's that part which is most likely to turn the anger into "Get the fuck away from me." Because someone who doesn't believe they did anything is very likely to do the same thing in the future.
Ideally, you want to get advance directives. "Okay, you have problem X, and when that flares up, you have a hard time thinking clearly. How do you want me to handle that next time?" For anyone with a variable condition (mental or physical) that sometimes goes haywire, a WRAP book lays out the problem and how to handle it. This really helps where, if you make a mistake in a moment of crisis and someone is unhappy with the results, you can talk it over using this framework and prevent a recurrence of that mistake, even if you can't necessarily prevent the problem from flaring again.
I've found some really good resources about impaired consent and how to work around it. The problem is they're rare and most people don't use them. That problem is so bad that I have repeatedly had fans ask me if they could take my original work or fanfic to show their therapist what kind of support they wish they could get. I write fantasy, and what people fantasize about is ... caregivers who listen. Because that's a fantasy and not a reality for lots of folks. >_<
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dancing_serpent
Re: Thoughts
Date: 2023-08-12 03:29 am (UTC)Yay! That's what I'm aiming for. It's really complicated territory and benefits from talking over in detail. I've done a lot with this; you can see another example in "Spectrum of Consent."
>> Just so you know, you were both really helpful here,<<
Thanks, that's good to hear.
>> and a large part of my own opinions--especially about apologizing and talking after a crisis where things get complicated--are formed from these chapters.<<
It's an important step.
If you intervene, if you cross someone's boundaries, then you have to accept that they might get angry, or hate you, or kick you out of their life. If you truly believe that you're saving their life, that might be a cost you're willing to pay. But far more often, people don't think about that part, they assume the person will be grateful and then if anger, hate, or estrangement ensue they become very upset about that. They don't understand how to repair the relationship, because they don't see the damage -- and it's that part which is most likely to turn the anger into "Get the fuck away from me." Because someone who doesn't believe they did anything is very likely to do the same thing in the future.
Ideally, you want to get advance directives. "Okay, you have problem X, and when that flares up, you have a hard time thinking clearly. How do you want me to handle that next time?" For anyone with a variable condition (mental or physical) that sometimes goes haywire, a WRAP book lays out the problem and how to handle it. This really helps where, if you make a mistake in a moment of crisis and someone is unhappy with the results, you can talk it over using this framework and prevent a recurrence of that mistake, even if you can't necessarily prevent the problem from flaring again.
I've found some really good resources about impaired consent and how to work around it. The problem is they're rare and most people don't use them. That problem is so bad that I have repeatedly had fans ask me if they could take my original work or fanfic to show their therapist what kind of support they wish they could get. I write fantasy, and what people fantasize about is ... caregivers who listen. Because that's a fantasy and not a reality for lots of folks. >_<
Well, at least I can write about good examples.