The Wordsmith's Forge

This story is a sequel to "Love Is for Children," "Eggshells," "Dolls and Guys," "Turnabout Is Fair Play," and "Touching Moments," "Splash," "Coming Around," "Birthday Girl," and "No Winter Lasts Forever."

Fandom: The Avengers
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanova, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Betty Ross, JARVIS, Bucky Barnes, Virginia "Pepper" Potts.
Medium: Fiction
Warnings: Inferences of past child abuse, mind control, and other torture. Current environment is supportive.
Summary: Bucky has a bad day when his memory won't boot up quite right. This makes other people stressed out too. Attempts to help are partially successful, but then the team dynamics go severely pear-shaped.
Notes: Asexual character (Clint). Aromantic character (Natasha). Asexual relationship. Sibling relationships. Fix-it. Teamwork. Vulgar language. Flangst. Hurt/Comfort. Fear of loss. Friendship. Confusion. Memory loss. Nonsexual ageplay. Making up for lost time. Self-harm. Tony!whump. Tony Stark has a heart. Tony doesn't like being handed things. Howard Stark's A+ parenting. Games. Trust issues. Consent. Safety and security. Artificial intelligence. Food issues. Multiplicity/Plurality. Non-sexual touching and intimacy. Yoga. Communication. Personal growth. Cooking. Americana. Family of choice. Feels. #coulsonlives.

Begin with Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14. Skip to Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20.


"Hide and Seek" Part 15


"I am not a separate member of the Avengers. Tony and I run Iron Man together. He answers the team check-in," JARVIS said.

"Well, he doesn't know if you've taken damage unless you tell him, so we need your reply too," Phil said, glancing at Tony. "You've answered check-in yourself when Tony has been injured and too dazed to reply immediately, so I know you pay attention."

"We've gone over this a few times, and JARVIS keeps saying things like that," Tony complained to Phil. "It's just crazy. I don't know where he gets these ideas."

Probably from his father, Phil thought. "I believe JARVIS didn't say anything because he considers his own safety unimportant," Phil explained aloud.

"Why would he think that?" Tony said, throwing his hands up.

"Tony, you've had the same habit of concealing injuries until very recently. Also, remember how you speak to people," Phil said. "I've heard you talking to the other Avengers, including early on when you were downright cruel to them. I've been in your workshop and heard how you talk to JARVIS and DUM-E when nobody else can hear."

Tony and Steve had ripped into each other's most vulnerable points when they first met. After everyone had moved into the tower, Tony had still picked fights on occasion; just because he offered to share living space didn't mean he knew how to. He reduced Steve to tears and Bruce to speechless shivers. Tony provoked Clint into full-blown rants. Steve and Clint had fought back, sometimes driving Tony out of the tower for days at a time. Tony hadn't dared to push Natasha so far, but he snarked and sniped at her professional competence. Tony mocked Phil's sense of duty and loyalty. They wound up hiding from each other, until Phil tried enough teambuilding exercises that game night finally stuck. It still took time for the nasty jabs to ease up and a sense of real care to emerge, for everyone to start learning how to be a team.

Tony's interactions with his AI family were ... different. JARVIS was the most complex, because they were so many things to each other. Sometimes Tony truly treated him like a favored servant, other times like a child; yet occasionally JARVIS would push and Tony would yield as if obeying a trusted adult. In the air as Iron Man, they were as close to equals as they ever got, Tony's will sealed inside JARVIS' armor. That didn't spare JARVIS from the sharp edge of Tony's tongue.

It was worst with DUM-E and the other bots, though. Tony actually threatened them, all the time, although he never carried through with it. If you douse me again, and I'm not on fire, I will donate you. You'll be at a community college. Phil suppressed a shudder.

The names alone were telling: DUM-E, U (which was short for "Hey, You"), and Butterfingers. Even the "Just" in Just Another Really Very Intelligent System was a thoughtless diminishment.

The poor bots rarely interacted with anyone other than Tony, because the incident with Obadiah Stane had left U and Butterfingers skittish around strangers and DUM-E extra protective of Tony. They would tolerate Pepper and Rhodey but hadn't grown accustomed to the Avengers yet, and Phil hadn't pushed. Maybe I should have insisted after all, Phil thought. At least then they might have a wider range of conversations. But we all talk with JARVIS, and it doesn't seem to have helped him over that hurdle.

From the way Tony's lips moved, he was running over the same kind of dialog. "But I didn't mean it," he said faintly.

"We know that, sir," said JARVIS. "That doesn't stop it from hurting."

Tony cringed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." His breath came shorter. "I wouldn't really send you away, any of you. Or shut you off. Or, or whatever other stupid things I said. I would not. I need you." He crushed one of the couch's throw pillows against his belly, hugging it for comfort.

"I believe that JARVIS and the bots sometimes have a hard time distinguishing what you say and mean from what you say without thought," said Phil.

"It can be ... challenging," JARVIS admitted.

"Tony, they think that this is how people speak to their loved ones," Phil said. He curled an arm around Tony's shoulders. Tony let go of the pillow to lean on Phil instead. "I think it's what you learned at home, and now it's causing the same kind of problems you grew up with."

"I am such a fuckup," Tony said, rubbing his hands over his face.

"No, you're a survivor, not a fuckup," Phil said. "This is not entirely your fault. Your parents abused and neglected you; they taught you bad family habits instead of good ones. Fixing that kind of damage takes time and work."

"Yeah, they were a little too busy getting drunk, being sociable and amazing to bother with me," Tony said.

"Another unfortunate practice that tends to get passed down the generations," Phil said quietly.

"I can handle it," Tony said.

"I've seen pro and con evidence of that," Phil said. "I do note that you tend to drink more when you're upset, which is not a good sign. Case in point: how much alcohol have you had today?"

"Not much at all," Tony said, not looking at him.

"Tony."

"Half a bottle, all right? Jeez," Tony said. He pulled away from Phil.

"Of?" Phil pressed.

"Of scotch," Tony said.

He doesn't even sound drunk. He is that habituated to the alcohol, Phil thought. He suppressed a sigh. Tony's drinking was an established issue, but so long as it had not directly impacted his performance in the team, Phil limited the pressure on Tony to change it. Nagging would only make matters worse. Phil preferred to keep the lines of communication open, in hopes that Tony would turn to him when he felt ready to tackle the problem.

When negative coping turned into a serious hazard, though, Phil felt compelled to intervene. As the team handler he had a certain level of responsibility for their safety and that of others. Phil had prevented Tony from drinking the night before. However, as soon as another stress hit -- and Tony was out of reach -- he resorted to self-medicating with alcohol. Hopefully most of that happened after he fixed the code, brought on by tense conversation.

* * *

Notes:

Speaking for someone else can undermine their own perspective. Consider different approaches and their effects. Conversely, people who can't or won't speak up for themselves may need someone to help them. Leaders may also stand up for their people. These aspects apply equally to Tony and JARVIS; they need to learn when to speak for themselves, when to speak for each other, and how to do both of those things safely. There are tips for speaking with someone who can't talk or may have limited communication. Look at the examples and think about DUM-E and Hulk especially. Also consider that some of the other Avengers have trouble identifying or communication their feelings and other important information. Learn how to speak out and stand up for yourself.

"Children Learn What They Live" is a famous poem and excellent advice about human development. Children emulate their parents, even when parents don't realize what they are modeling. Thank you, Howard Stark's A+ parenting and grandparenting.

Verbal abuse can have deep impact. Learn to recognize it. There are steps to stop someone from verbally abusing you. and to stop verbally abusing other people.

Something often overlooked in towerfic is that of the core Avengers, only Steve has any real experience living with someone else in a healthy relationship. Without the necessary skills in communal living, people tend to hurt each other. People need to respect time and space. People may live with roommates, a multigenerational family, or siblings. (Notice that Clint and Natasha, Steve and Bucky choose to share apartment floors even in the huge tower.) There are tips for being a good roomate, functioning in a multigenerational household, or living together as a couple. As you can see across this series, it takes time to develop these skills.

Tony and JARVIS have a multiple relationship because they serve different roles for each other. This is widely condemned in therapy and other professional settings, but that consensus is manufactured. It also overprivileges modern American culture; in many other places, multiple relationships are the norm or even the only option in a small community. You can read more about multiple relationships. This is not always harmful, and indeed, can be beneficial.
Consider different types of multiple relationships; in SHIELD as in the military, institutional multiplicity is unavoidable. Examine the ethics of multiple relationships; they are helpful where they aid functionality and harmful where they impair it. You can see that Tony and JARVIS are having trouble, but the solution is to fix the problems, not rip them apart. Even a sexual relationship may work, if someone needs practical healing in that area; but this is illegal in contemporary culture, so people who need that are just out of luck.

Another version is when a person has relationships with several other people, as in polyamory. The same need for diversity may apply to friendships, professional relationships, or other areas of life. Understanding how to balance different relationships will reduce jealousy and other forms of distress. You can see this within the team as Bucky relates to different members in different ways -- Tony's garage buddy, Natasha's dance partner, Clint's fellow sharpshooter -- causing shifts in the group dynamic. People have to learn how to cope with both their stacked relationships with one other person, and their spread of relationships with all the other members of the teamfamily.

A drawback of banning multiple relationships is that it shuts some people out of care. Not everyone can open up to a stranger, so they just don't get treatment. Co-counseling is one method of therapy without a therapist. Read a manual of techniques. Peer counseling is another option, with a handbook of its own. What the Avengers do together is related to these approaches, taking a more equal balance and allowing people to help each other within a previously established circle of intimacy. This expands the range of people who can solve their problems.

Limited social interaction can have negative impact on health. See a checklist of difficulty with social interactions. Neurovariant people often have trouble and need help in this area. There are ways to promote social interaction and friendships. The bots have the worst problems here because they're still hiding from most of the team. JARVIS interacts with people, but he can be pretty shy about it; so can Bruce. Tony's people skills are a jumble of great and awful. Natasha has to memorize what to do because she has little social intuition left, and that leaves out a lot of unwritten rules.

People may say things they don't mean when they are angry or drunk. Both anger and alcohol impair communication. Learn how to stop saying things you don't mean and generally stop being cruel to people.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can break your spirit. Warning for graphic images: This project visualizes the effects of verbal abuse. The people you love can hurt you the worst, because you care about them more than strangers. Your words and actions may hurt people; learn to tell if you're helping or hurting. There are tips on how not to let words hurt you and how to confront someone who hurt you. JARVIS demonstrates a crucial point: someone who genuinely cares about you will not want to hurt you, because they hurt when you hurt, so telling them that they have wounded your feelings usually makes them try to stop doing that.

Self-blame is a form of emotional abuse turned inward instead of outward. It can be based on character or behavior. Character blaming means believing you are a bad person. You feel like it's permanent and you can't fix it. Behavior blaming means acknowledging that you made a mistake. You still feel awful, but you can try to do better. Children are especially vulnerable to blaming. Learn to take responsibility instead of criticizing yourself. There are ways to silence your inner critic. Think of blame as a pie: some for each person involved in a mishap.

Another aspect of blame is thinking in terms of all-or-nothing. "I made a mistake" --> "I am a bad person" is an example of this distortion. Learn to replace the switch with a rheostat. Many of the Avengers do this, some habitually, others occasionally. Most people do it once in a while if they make a big mistake.

Drinking when upset is a major warning sign of alcohol abuse, and a form of self-medication. Using alcohol to relieve anger, anxiety, or other stress may seem to help, but rarely does, and often makes matters worse. Usually some other method of self-soothing will help more and harm less.

"Half a bottle of scotch" seems to be a popular amount with heavy drinkers. There are, of course, different sizes of bottles. Tony has had the equivalent of several drinks, more than is advisable, but not enough to show obvious effects due to his high tolerance. This does not mean he is really sober or sensible right now. Understand the difference between moderate and binge drinking. Characteristics of binge drinking include drinking to get drunk and consuming several drinks within a single session. "I need a drink" often translates to "I want to get drunk right now."

Alcohol abuse tends to cause trouble. There are ways to prevent alcohol-related problems if you think you might be overdoing it. Tony is starting to realize things are going wrong, but isn't ready to make big changes yet. If someone else has a drinking problem, you can help. Phil has been building trust and is moving into the communication stage, pointing out how Tony's drinking has drawbacks. Know how to identify a serious crisis involving substance abuse. (Remember that "call for help" is ideal in an emergency but may not always apply if you ARE the help -- i.e. police, medic, or superheroes -- or none is available.)


[To be continued in Part 16 ...]